Ambrose's Antidote: CARTESIAN

CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, Cogito ergo sum -- whereby he was pleased to suppose he demonstrated the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved, however, thus: Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

daily dose of w

They just got a different tool to use than we do: They kill innocent lives to achieve objectives. That's what they do. And they're good. They get on the TV screens and they get people to ask questions about, well, you know, this, that or the other. I mean, they're able to kind of say to people: Don't come and bother us, because we will kill you.

GWB
28 July 2006
Joint news conference with Tony Blair.
East Room of the White House
Washington D. C.

Ambrose's Antidote: CARNIVOROUS

CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

daily dose of w

John, we're going to get a good bill. I mean, one of the things I've learned is not to try to negotiate with you or me on national TV.

GWB
25 Apr 2001
Comment made during interview with CNN's John King.

Ambrose's Antidote: CARMELITE

CARMELITE, n. A mendicant friar of the order of Mount Carmel.

  As Death was a-rising out one day,
  Across Mount Camel he took his way,
      Where he met a mendicant monk,
      Some three or four quarters drunk,
  With a holy leer and a pious grin,
  Ragged and fat and as saucy as sin,
      Who held out his hands and cried:
  "Give, give in Charity's name, I pray.
  Give in the name of the Church.  O give,
  Give that her holy sons may live!"
      And Death replied,
      Smiling long and wide:
      "I'll give, holy father, I'll give thee -- a ride."

      With a rattle and bang
      Of his bones, he sprang
  From his famous Pale Horse, with his spear;
      By the neck and the foot
      Seized the fellow, and put
  Him astride with his face to the rear.

  The Monarch laughed loud with a sound that fell
  Like clods on the coffin's sounding shell:
  "Ho, ho!  A beggar on horseback, they say,
      Will ride to the devil!" -- and _thump_
      Fell the flat of his dart on the rump
  Of the charger, which galloped away.

  Faster and faster and faster it flew,
  Till the rocks and the flocks and the trees that grew
  By the road were dim and blended and blue
      To the wild, wild eyes
      Of the rider -- in size
      Resembling a couple of blackberry pies.
  Death laughed again, as a tomb might laugh
      At a burial service spoiled,
      And the mourners' intentions foiled
      By the body erecting
      Its head and objecting
  To further proceedings in its behalf.

  Many a year and many a day
  Have passed since these events away.
  The monk has long been a dusty corse,
  And Death has never recovered his horse.
      For the friar got hold of its tail,
      And steered it within the pale
  Of the monastery gray,
  Where the beast was stabled and fed
  With barley and oil and bread
  Till fatter it grew than the fattest friar,
  And so in due course was appointed Prior.

G.J.

daily dose of w

The important question is: How many hands have I shaked?

GWB
23 Oct 1999
Quoted by the New York Times. This was candidate Bush's response to a question about why he hadn't spent more time in New Hampshire.

Ambrose's Antidote: CAPITAL

CAPITAL, n. The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the anarchist; the part of the repast that himself supplies is the disgrace before meat. Capital Punishment, a penalty regarding the justice and expediency of which many worthy persons -- including all the assassins -- entertain grave misgivings.

daily dose of w

I'll start -- do you want to start? Go ahead.

GWB
25 Jul 2006
East Room of the Whitehouse
Washington, DC

Ambrose's Antidote: CANONICALS

CANONICALS, n. The motley worm by Jesters of the Court of Heaven.

daily dose of w

The administration I'll bring is a group of men and women who are focused on what's best for America -- honest men and women, decent men and women, women who will see service to our country as a great privilege and who will not stain the house.

GWB
15 Jan 2000
Spoken during the Republican debate in Des Moines, Iowa.

He often says what he means, but this doesn't make sense unless he means it literally. That's probably the case.

Ambrose's Antidote: CANNON

CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

daily dose of w

I hope to get a sense of, should I be fortunate enough to be the president, how my administration will react to the Middle East.

GWB
12 Oct 2000
From comments made in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

Add equal parts handgun, gasoline, and tequila...

Ambrose's Antidote: CANNIBAL

CANNIBAL, n. A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period.

daily dose of w

You see, the thing is, what they need to do is to get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it’s over.

GWB
17 July 2006
Conversation with Tony Blair in St Petersburg, Russia.

A Letter From Dick Cheney

The National Republican Congressional Committee sent me a letter on behalf of Dick Cheney, if the fake signature is to be believed. In other times, I might be moved to send a real conservative (you know -- gummint out of my and everyone else's personal life, spending less than you take in, free trade) a buck or two, but I'm not so inclined these days. Here's a line that gave me a grim chuckle:

When the President and I took office, we were determined to get beyond the tired old debates and petty partisanship. We were determined to solve problems, not just pass them on to the next generation.

Mr. Vice President, may I present a problem that we didn't have before you got into office and one with which we'll be saddled long after you depart: Iraq. May I present another: the budget deficit. May I present a problem that needed solving that you simply failed to solve: Afghanistan.

Anyone got a problem that this crowd actually solved?

Anyone?

Ambrose's Antidote: CAMEL

CAMEL, n. A quadruped (the Splaypes humpidorsus) of great value to the show business. There are two kinds of camels -- the camel proper and the camel improper. It is the latter that is always exhibited.

daily dose of w

We've got to end the process-oriented world of public schools.

GWB
20 Mar 2001

He often says exactly what he means.

Ambrose's Antidote: CALUMNUS

CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.

daily dose of w

It is incredibly presumptive for somebody who has not yet earned his party's nomination to start speculating about vice presidents.

GWB
22 Oct 1999
Comment made while visiting Keene, New Hampshire.

Ambrose's Antidote: CALLOUS

CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. "What!" said one of his disciples, "you weep at the death of an enemy?" "Ah, 'tis true," replied the great Stoic; "but you should see me smile at the death of a friend."

daily dose of w

The reason we start a war is to fight a war, win a war, thereby causing no more war.

GWB
3 Oct 2000
Boston, Massachusetts. First Presidential Debate.

That about sums it up!

Ambrose's Antidote: CALAMITY

CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

daily dose of w

Other Republican candidates may retort to personal attacks and negative ads.

George W. Bush fund-raising letter
24 Mar 2000
Quoted in the Washington Post.


Editors? Hah! We don't need no steenking editors!

Ambrose's Antidote: CABBAGE

CABBAGE, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

The cabbage is so called from Cabagius, a prince who on ascending the throne issued a decree appointing a High Council of Empire consisting of the members of his predecessor's Ministry and the cabbages in the royal garden. When any of his Majesty's measures of state policy miscarried conspicuously it was gravely announced that several members of the High Council had been beheaded, and his murmuring subjects were appeased.

daily dose of w

The education issue ought to be discussed about.

GWB
15 Dec 2000
Speaking to press during meeting with Louisiana Senator John Breaux in Austin, Texas.

Not the Same As: CAAADR

(car (car (car (cdr foo))))

Ambrose's Antidote: CAABA

CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.

daily dose of w

You know it's so much easy just to shove these problems down the road. The easy fix is to say, let somebody else deal with it. This administration is going to continue trying to work with Congress to deal with these issues. That's why I ran for office in the first place, to confront big problems and to solve them.

George W Bush
11 July 2006
East Room of the White House
Washington D. C.

Spam-be-gone!

I guess some Blogger guy or gal took in the magesty that is Rantzilla, and gave it the all clear. Yea!

Ambrose's Antidote: BRUTE

BRUTE, n. See HUSBAND.

daily dose of w

Well, it's an unimaginable honor to be the president during the Fourth of July of this country. It means what these words say, for starters. The great inalienable rights of our country. We're blessed with such values in America. And I -- it's -- I'm a proud man to be the nation based upon such wonderful values.

GWB
2 Jul 2001
Spoken during a visit to the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C.

Ambrose's Antidote: BRIDE

BRIDE, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

daily dose of w

Oh, I thought you said 'some band.' The Taliban in Afghanistan! Absolutely -- Repressive.

George W. Bush
circa June 2000
After seeming confused when asked a question about the Taliban, Governor Bush responded after being prompted by the reporter ("Repression of women in Afghanistan?")

Eye on the ball.

Orange II

Yow! Hit an iceberg along the way... was no big thing. I gotta get me one of those.

Ask Dr Aybabtu: Rantzilla a Spam Blog?

Yo Doc,

I recently had to do word verification to post to Rantzilla. Blogger said that their robots said it looked like a spam blog. What up?

G

Well "G" (is that some sort of a rap thing from Atlanta?), it might have something to do with you not posting shit except your "daily dose" and your quips from The Devil's Dictionary. Dr Aybabytu suggests that you post something, oh, say, original or insightful every now and then to keep the spam police off of your back.

HTH,

Dr A

Ambrose's Antidote: BRANDY

BRANDY, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of heroes. Only a hero will venture to drink it.

daily dose of w

You'll be in a world in which fits into my philosophy. You know, the harder work -- the harder you work, the more you can keep. That's the American way.

GWB
17 Oct 2000
Third Presidential Debate in St. Louis, Missouri.

Ambrose's Antidote: BRAIN

BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think what we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to _be_ something from the man who wishes to _do_ something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

daily dose of w

We're still being challenged in Iraq and the reason why is a free Iraq will be a major defeat in the cause of freedom.

GWB
5 Apr 2004
Charlotte, North Carolina.

Ambrose's Antidote: BRAHMA

BRAHMA, n. He who created the Hindoos, who are preserved by Vishnu and destroyed by Siva -- a rather neater division of labor than is found among the deities of some other nations. The Abracadabranese, for example, are created by Sin, maintained by Theft and destroyed by Folly. The priests of Brahma, like those of Abracadabranese, are holy and learned men who are never naughty.

  O Brahma, thou rare old Divinity,
  First Person of the Hindoo Trinity,
  You sit there so calm and securely,
  With feet folded up so demurely --
  You're the First Person Singular, surely.

Polydore Smith

daily dose of w

I suspect that had my dad not been president, he'd be asking the same questions: How'd your meeting go with so-and-so? How did you feel when you stood up in front of the people for the State of the Union Address -- State of the Budget Address -- whatever you call it.

GWB
9 Mar 2001
From an interview with the Washington Post.

Ambrose's Antidote: BOUNTY

BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can.

A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signa instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His creatures.

Henry Ward Beecher

daily dose of w

W: So what state is Wales in?
CHURCH: Its a separate country next to England.
W: Oh, okay.

GWB
30 Oct 2001
Exchange between Dubya and Welsh teenage singing sensation Charlotte Church, as reported in MSNBC