Ambrose's Antidote: ALDERMAN

ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.

daily dose of w

My opponent keeps saying I give too much tax relief to the top 1%, but he hadn't heard my latest proposal. The bottom 99% will do well when they get to split Dick Cheney's stock options.

GWB
19 Oct 2000
Joke delivered at the Al Smith Memorial dinner in New York.

Ambrose's Antidote: AIR

AIR, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

daily dose of w

I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating.

GWB
3 Apr 2000
As reported in U.S. News & World Report.

Ambrose's Antidote: AIM

AIM, n. The task we set our wishes to.

  "Cheer up!  Have you no aim in life?"
      She tenderly inquired.
  "An aim?  Well, no, I haven't, wife;
      The fact is -- I have fired."

G.J.

daily dose of w

I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.

GWB
27 Jan 2000
During a campaign speech in Nashua, New Hampshire.

When a classic resurfaces from time to time, it's nice to sit back and savor it. One of the all time greatest.

Ambrose's Antidote: AGITATOR

AGITATOR, n. A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors -- to dislodge the worms.

daily dose of w

I think we ought to have high -- high standards and set by -- by agencies that rely upon science, not by what may feel good or what sound good.

GWB
15 Jan 2000
From Republican Debate in Des Moines, Iowa.

And none of that godless "theory" of evolution, ya hear now, huh?

How to Spot a Christian (Type H)

There are may varieties of Christian and subclassing the species can be a challenging and complex task. Christians that adhere to teachings of Jesus are rare and those that strive to understand why they might want to follow those teachings are rarer still. The Type H is one of the most prominent Christian varieties. It is easily distinguished from the rarer varieties, in that it has little to do with the teachings of Jesus, and even less interest, although it likes to proclaim that it does. The Type H is distinguished by:

• A preference that tax money go to kill foreigners rather than help poor people


• A belief that poverty is simply a character flaw and has nothing to do with them


• Rigid application of the death penalty is a good thing and probably should get expanded in scope


• Takes selected passages from the Old Testament out of context as its moral compass

Typically, the Type H is docile enough, but can be dangerous when provoked. If you're a young black man, you'll probably automatically provoke the Type H, unless you're a famous professional athlete with a reputation for being nice. Stick to the weather or sports, and you should be fine. There is nothing to be gained by engaging the Type H in anything weightier.

Ambrose's Antidote: AGE

AGE, n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit.

daily dose of w

If you're sick and tired of the politics and cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

GWB
16 Feb 2000
Speaking at Hilton Head, South Carolina during presidential campaign.

Ambrose's Antidote: AFRICAN

AFRICAN, n. A nigger that votes our way.

daily dose of w

My pan plays down an unprecedented amount of our national debt.

GWB
27 Feb 2001
From a speech concerning the proposed federal budget.

Even though he muffed the quip, it captures the essence of the Contract on America hypocrisy. Bald faced lie. Read my lips: Biggest - debt - ever. Biggest - deficit - ever.

Ambrose's Antidote: AFFLICTION

AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.