Friday, July 29, 2005

daily dose of w

Now, by the way, surplus means a little money left over, otherwise it wouldn't be called a surplus.

27 Oct 2000
From a campaign speech in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

I think W might have mastered pointed out the obvious even more than Thomas Friedman has.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

daily dose of w

I understand small business growth. I was one.

19 Feb 2000
Quoted in the New York Daily News.

Sometimes, you've got to play the greatest hits. He was more of a small business tumor, afaict.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Liberal? Moi?

In some sense, I suppose, but I'm more of a progressive libertarian. Plus, my internal Sturm und Drang created by 40 S&W and 357 Sig dilemma punt me welll outside the liberal as understood by my The Nation reading compatriots. But I'm not hangin' with my man Pecuniarius. Not rich enough. And even with a quick 7 billion dollar infusion, I never will be.

Progressive: we need to, as a society, encourage entrepreneurship, independence, merit, hard-work, honesty, compassion.

Libertarian: get the fuck out, get the fuck out, get the fuck out of my personal affairs Pope John "Wrap the Boobies of Justice" Ashcroft Alberto "Me Torture You Long Time!" Gonzalez Republican "You Are Licking My Jackboots, Ja!" goatfuckers!
Please, go join the ACLU right now. Your card says "I love the Constitution, and I love America".

Guest Blogger: Pecuniarius Winchester Smith-Wesson, XXX

Your liberal host, Mr. Rantzilla, has afforded me the opportunity to lay out the fundamental correctness of mainstream Republican philosophy, to you, his presumably liberal audience. Here is how it works. Due to my stature and superiority and that of my peers, our wealth must not be diverted to mean and common things. The society in which we live have nothing to do with the benefits we accrue -- these are granted to us by God due to our righteousness. Thus we have "tax cuts." Taxes are an evil levied upon your superiors for your benefit, and the cutting of said taxes merely align the world with the proper Will of God.

You, of the underclass, have options before you. The best option to exercise is that of High and Noble birth. However, this is an option you refused to exercise, so you must now choose among lesser options. You may serve a better, and provided that you produce more than you are compensated, you will be well-regarded. You may go catch bullets, and, should you survive, we have many nice sidewalks in lesser towns where you may live. You may go to prison. These are your options.

These concepts come easily to a mind as quick and facile as mind, but lessers like you should take my word for it.

Pecuniarius Winchester Smith-Wesson, XXX

Don't Shoot Shoot Shoot That Thing At Me

No Sir. I don't like it. Don't write "Turd Blossom" in my comics page. My young 'un might see it.

No links for you.

No images either.

We have the youth of America to think about.

Just Another Lucinda Wednesday

By my reckoning, Lucinda Williams owes me somewhere in the neighborhood of 40 bucks.

Every time I go to see her play, it starts of well enough. She gets up, cracks some jokes about the heroin wearing off and it's time to switch to beer, ahhh what's that, beer's not cold, it's time to switch to whiskey... and starts to play and sing. She's great. Until. Until it happens. What is it? Hell if I know. Maybe the string didn't vibrate just the way she wanted it to, or she transposed some lyrics. Whatever it is, it starts a meltdown from which there is no return. She starts babbling about how awful she feels and begs for forgiveness, and does it with such gusto and duration that the apology becomes the show. And that's a show in which I have no interest. I'd have been happier if she had just come across with the cash.

So what does Lucinda "The Nuclear Option is the Only Option" Williams have to do with Wednesday? It's not Wednesday, but rather, this Wednesday in Atlanta. Atlanta traffic has a bewuƟtsein all it's own, but I think it's somehow related to Lucinda's. Everything is just dandy. Until. Until it happens, then it's Wonder Twins Activate! Form Of! Crazed Crack Addicted Rhesus Monkey with Flamethrower! The same fucker who stops traffic to let you in line coming out of the gas station is the same insane misanthrope who refuses to let go of either his tallywhacker or his cellphone, but would rather suffer the hell fire of eternal damnation than let you merge during rush hour. So, after leaving the office in a whistle while you work mood with big plans to knock out a few lingering chores, after near mortal (and I'm sorry you're not dead you line cutting, tire squealling, red light running motherfucker ROT IN HELL!) combat on the High Asphalt Seas of Atlanta, I'm left with rant as catharsis.


daily dose of w

When I put my hand on the bible, I will swear to not -- to uphold the laws of the land.

27 Oct 2000
Toledo, Ohio

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

daily dose of w

I hope to get a sense of, should I be fortunate enough to be the president, how my administration will react to the Middle East.

George W. Bush
12 Oct 2000

Monday, July 25, 2005

daily dose of w

The administration is doing everything we can to end the stalemate in an efficient way. We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end.

10 Apr 2001
Washington, D.C.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Feed Ye Not The Grad Student

Every now an' then, I like to hit the Next Blog on a blogger hosted blog. Here's the payload from the latest click:
How are we supposed to entice the current crop of super-genii rolling out of undergraduate to assume the glorious mantle of scientist with an attitude like that?

Badi Assad

We've got 1996 BMW Audiophile Demonstration Disc lying around the house. One of names on the cover is Badi Assad. I thought that would be a great handle, and was seriously thinking about adopting it as an alias, or the name of some tough guy for a story. "Look out! He's Badi Assad! Of course, I was pronouncing it the way it's spelled in English. Badi prounounces her (yes her) name Bah-Jee Ah-Sahj. Anyway, Badi is funky, and the folks who by her albums from Amazon seem to love her. I'm sure she's old news to all you hipsters, but, as you know, I'm behind the times.

Friday, July 22, 2005

daily dose of w

I do remain confident in Linda [Chavez]. She'll make a fine labor secretary. From what I've read in the press accounts, she's perfectly qualified.

8 Jan 2001
Comment by the president-elect during a press conference.

Thursday, July 21, 2005


Here piggy piggy! Support our troops! War on Terra! Let's slip a cool 8 billion in for missile defense and call it "supporting the troops". Sure there's a few hundred million here for the USMC for armor, a hundred million there for the USA for armor. Good. They need it. Bring 'em home before they get it and themselves too scratched up. But missile defense? Ronald "Second Worst President In History" Reagan's legacy is still ripping us off.

I have a plan.

Dear Real Republicans,

I know real Republicans. Real Republicans love their country. Real Republicans are concerned about her future. Real Republicans don't think science is something that flies in the face of God, but rather is a blessing from God that reveals the miracles of creation. Real Republicans believe in fiscal discipline. Real Republicans distain pork-barrel politics. Real Republicans can't possibly want to be associated with the felons (just because they were pardoned doesn't mean that they were never convicted of high crimes) and vermin who are calling themselves Republicans and are now running the show. I know it's hard to look across the aisle and see anything that might inspire you. Well, stay on your side of the aisle. Just kick some of those pseudo-Republicans in the ass. If you don't want to do even that, please put a provision in your will that will allow me wrap your corpse in copper wire and put magnets in your casket so I can generate clean electricity from you spinning in your grave, because I guarantee, you will be.



Dr Aybabtu Tech Support

I was trying to help Dr Aybabtu with a link for eMac. He wanted something funny, so I suggested a google image search for "big pile o dookie". That turned up nada, so I thought to remove the "o". Still nothing. Can this really be the world wide dubya dubya dubya? Am I on the right internets?

GeekSpeak: Ask Dr Aybabtu

Dr Aybabtu,

I just upgraded my eMac to Tiger, and it was an astounding pain in the ass. It could have been really simple, but it was absolutely impossible to find out WTF to do from the Apple site?

Cranky in Cabbagetown.

Dear Crank,

Here's the deal. Steve Jobs thinks that all Mac users are complete idiots, and if they are confronted with anything more detailed than "ooweee purty iPod" they won't buy his "product". Let me guess, eMac: no DVD. Tiger upgrade: DVD. Got hold of a USB DVD drive, and everything seemed to "just work" until reboot time, eh? Then you spent two hours on google trying to find "hold the option button down on boot". Yup. Those little words could have saved you two hours of your life. Yup. Two hours you could have spent making sex videos with Playboy playmates or implementing a text-based Grand Theft Auto for emacs. But, no. Rather than reveal the hold the button secret, what does Apple suggest? Send us your DVD and ten bucks and we'll send you CDs. You chose to lie down with the Apple dogs, kid. Enjoy your fleas.

Dr Aybabtu

daily dose of w

Put the off button on.

14 February 2000
Advice to parents who have concerns about violence on television.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

daily dose of w

Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods.

20 December 2000
Comment made in Austin, Texas.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

That's gotta hurt!

When you type stupidest fucking guy on the face of the earth into google and your bio comes up, that's gotta hurt.

David Corn ...

... is the leaker.

Uh, no.

That would be Karl. His own lawyer said so.

DC didn't get Valerie's name on background, either.

If you're a real Republican -- one who believes in fiscal discipline, the Constitution, and personal accountability -- please think about what these pseudo-Republicans are doing in your name.

daily dose of w

I don't know, maybe I made it up. Anyway, it's an arbo-tree-ist, somebody who knows about trees.

August 2001
Referring to the "arbolist" who had been engaged to identify trees on the President's Crawford, TX ranch. Quoted in USA Today and Time magazine.

Cut him some slack. He just runs the chainsaw.

Monday, July 18, 2005

daily dose of w

We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.

14 Jun1 2001
From comments made in Gothenburg, Sweden.

Friday, July 15, 2005

daily dose of w

I hope we get to the bottom of the answer. It's what I'm interested to know.

26 April 2000
The presidential candidate is referring to the Elian Gonzalez negotiations.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

daily dose of w

The march to war hurt the economy. Laura reminded me a while ago that remember what was on the TV screens -- she calls me, 'George W.' -- 'George W.' I call her, 'First Lady.' No, anyway -- she said, we said, march to war on our TV screen.

11 March 2004
Bay Shore, New York.

I call him 'George WTF?'

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

daily dose of w

We need to do what we need to do to get the bodies out of there, if they're there.

14 Feb 2001
Referring to the tragic sinking of a Japanese fishing boat by a U.S. submarine near Hawaii. Reported in the Chicago Tribune.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

daily dose of w

If a person doesn't have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all.

22 May 2001
From speech delivered to the Hispanic Scholarship Fund Institute.
Washington D.C.

Monday, July 11, 2005

daily dose of w

You subscribe politics to it. I subscribe freedom to it.

6 Apr 2000
Referring to the Elian Gonzalez negotiations in Miami, Florida. Reported by the Associated Press.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Judith Miller Speak!

daily dose of w

How do you know if you don't measure if you have a system that simply suckles kids through?

16 Feb 2000
Comment made in Beaufort, South Carolina.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

daily dose of w

I do not believe we've put a guilty -- I mean innocent -- person to death in the state of Texas.

16 Jun 2000
From National Public Radio's "All Things Considered".

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

daily dose of w

There you are. You look just like yourself.

24 Feb 2003
Said upon seeing former OSU quarterback and ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit in person at the White House

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

daily dose of w

I'm trying to protect my invest -- my contributors from unscrupulous practices.

18 Jul 1998
Quoted in the Houston Chronicle.

Friday, July 01, 2005

daily dose of w

When I put my hand on the bible, I will swear to not --- to uphold the laws of the land.

27 Oct 2000
Toledo, Ohio

True to his word. Not this land or any other. Above and beyond the call, eh?