How Not To Get An Assistantship

Juan Blanco (not his real name) is a professor at LSU. Here is a little something that rolled into his inbox:

I have strong desire to pursue MS/Ph.D at the < st1:PlaceName w:st="on">Louisiana State University. And, I hope to work with you by your financial supports during my M.S. or Ph.D. courses. Could you give any information or advice for me?

Juan Blanco's advice: review [his] HTML coding before sending out these "personalized" emails. Actually, that's only part of the advice. The rest shall remain safely hidden, but it translates, roughly, to:

No assistantship for you!

How to get an assistantship, or, at least, make your chances somewhat better.

1. Look up recent publications by the person from whom you're getting ready ask for money


2. Read a couple of same


3. If you can't, or just don't want to do 1 or 2, grad school is not for you -- thanks for playing


4. Jazzed? No, exit, else, summarize in writing to yourself those things that got you jazzed


5. In light of summary in 4, compose letter telling your victim why their stuff is so goddamn cool and that you'd give your right boobie to work with them

No promises, but I've got to think that it's got to be better than failed spam. Also, do not send a PowerPoint resume. Maybe some profs would like to weigh in?