Don't Shoot Shoot Shoot That Thing At Me

No Sir. I don't like it. Don't write "Turd Blossom" in my comics page. My young 'un might see it.

No links for you.

No images either.

We have the youth of America to think about.

Just Another Lucinda Wednesday

By my reckoning, Lucinda Williams owes me somewhere in the neighborhood of 40 bucks.

Why?
Every time I go to see her play, it starts of well enough. She gets up, cracks some jokes about the heroin wearing off and it's time to switch to beer, ahhh what's that, beer's not cold, it's time to switch to whiskey... and starts to play and sing. She's great. Until. Until it happens. What is it? Hell if I know. Maybe the string didn't vibrate just the way she wanted it to, or she transposed some lyrics. Whatever it is, it starts a meltdown from which there is no return. She starts babbling about how awful she feels and begs for forgiveness, and does it with such gusto and duration that the apology becomes the show. And that's a show in which I have no interest. I'd have been happier if she had just come across with the cash.

So what does Lucinda "The Nuclear Option is the Only Option" Williams have to do with Wednesday? It's not Wednesday, but rather, this Wednesday in Atlanta. Atlanta traffic has a bewußtsein all it's own, but I think it's somehow related to Lucinda's. Everything is just dandy. Until. Until it happens, then it's Wonder Twins Activate! Form Of! Crazed Crack Addicted Rhesus Monkey with Flamethrower! The same fucker who stops traffic to let you in line coming out of the gas station is the same insane misanthrope who refuses to let go of either his tallywhacker or his cellphone, but would rather suffer the hell fire of eternal damnation than let you merge during rush hour. So, after leaving the office in a whistle while you work mood with big plans to knock out a few lingering chores, after near mortal (and I'm sorry you're not dead you line cutting, tire squealling, red light running motherfucker ROT IN HELL!) combat on the High Asphalt Seas of Atlanta, I'm left with rant as catharsis.

WHHHOOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHHHHGHGHHGHaaghalgjlagj.a.........AAAAAGH!

daily dose of w

When I put my hand on the bible, I will swear to not -- to uphold the laws of the land.

GWB
27 Oct 2000
Toledo, Ohio

daily dose of w

I hope to get a sense of, should I be fortunate enough to be the president, how my administration will react to the Middle East.

George W. Bush
12 Oct 2000

daily dose of w

The administration is doing everything we can to end the stalemate in an efficient way. We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end.

GWB
10 Apr 2001
Washington, D.C.

Feed Ye Not The Grad Student

Every now an' then, I like to hit the Next Blog on a blogger hosted blog. Here's the payload from the latest click:
How are we supposed to entice the current crop of super-genii rolling out of undergraduate to assume the glorious mantle of scientist with an attitude like that?

Badi Assad

We've got 1996 BMW Audiophile Demonstration Disc lying around the house. One of names on the cover is Badi Assad. I thought that would be a great handle, and was seriously thinking about adopting it as an alias, or the name of some tough guy for a story. "Look out! He's Badi Assad! Of course, I was pronouncing it the way it's spelled in English. Badi prounounces her (yes her) name Bah-Jee Ah-Sahj. Anyway, Badi is funky, and the folks who by her albums from Amazon seem to love her. I'm sure she's old news to all you hipsters, but, as you know, I'm behind the times.

daily dose of w

I do remain confident in Linda [Chavez]. She'll make a fine labor secretary. From what I've read in the press accounts, she's perfectly qualified.

GWB
8 Jan 2001
Comment by the president-elect during a press conference.

Sooooooweeeee!

Here piggy piggy! Support our troops! War on Terra! Let's slip a cool 8 billion in for missile defense and call it "supporting the troops". Sure there's a few hundred million here for the USMC for armor, a hundred million there for the USA for armor. Good. They need it. Bring 'em home before they get it and themselves too scratched up. But missile defense? Ronald "Second Worst President In History" Reagan's legacy is still ripping us off.

I have a plan.

Dear Real Republicans,

I know real Republicans. Real Republicans love their country. Real Republicans are concerned about her future. Real Republicans don't think science is something that flies in the face of God, but rather is a blessing from God that reveals the miracles of creation. Real Republicans believe in fiscal discipline. Real Republicans distain pork-barrel politics. Real Republicans can't possibly want to be associated with the felons (just because they were pardoned doesn't mean that they were never convicted of high crimes) and vermin who are calling themselves Republicans and are now running the show. I know it's hard to look across the aisle and see anything that might inspire you. Well, stay on your side of the aisle. Just kick some of those pseudo-Republicans in the ass. If you don't want to do even that, please put a provision in your will that will allow me wrap your corpse in copper wire and put magnets in your casket so I can generate clean electricity from you spinning in your grave, because I guarantee, you will be.

Sincerely,

Rantzilla

Dr Aybabtu Tech Support

I was trying to help Dr Aybabtu with a link for eMac. He wanted something funny, so I suggested a google image search for "big pile o dookie". That turned up nada, so I thought to remove the "o". Still nothing. Can this really be the world wide dubya dubya dubya? Am I on the right internets?

GeekSpeak: Ask Dr Aybabtu

Dr Aybabtu,

I just upgraded my eMac to Tiger, and it was an astounding pain in the ass. It could have been really simple, but it was absolutely impossible to find out WTF to do from the Apple site?

Cranky in Cabbagetown.

Dear Crank,

Here's the deal. Steve Jobs thinks that all Mac users are complete idiots, and if they are confronted with anything more detailed than "ooweee purty iPod" they won't buy his "product". Let me guess, eMac: no DVD. Tiger upgrade: DVD. Got hold of a USB DVD drive, and everything seemed to "just work" until reboot time, eh? Then you spent two hours on google trying to find "hold the option button down on boot". Yup. Those little words could have saved you two hours of your life. Yup. Two hours you could have spent making sex videos with Playboy playmates or implementing a text-based Grand Theft Auto for emacs. But, no. Rather than reveal the hold the button secret, what does Apple suggest? Send us your DVD and ten bucks and we'll send you CDs. You chose to lie down with the Apple dogs, kid. Enjoy your fleas.

Dr Aybabtu

daily dose of w

Put the off button on.

GWB
14 February 2000
Advice to parents who have concerns about violence on television.

daily dose of w

Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods.

GWB
20 December 2000
Comment made in Austin, Texas.

That's gotta hurt!

When you type stupidest fucking guy on the face of the earth into google and your bio comes up, that's gotta hurt.