When Monkeys Attack... UPDATE

Waiting for a full recompile to go down, I noticed (DAMN RSS!) Boing Boing has gone all monkey on me:
Crack-smoking professor teaches monkeys to smoke crack From Charlie LeDuff's NYT article about the Robert Blake trial:

Over the past two months, observers in Van Nuys Superior Court in Los Angeles have been fed a steady diet of comic-book-style characters, a tattooed mobster turned preacher, two strung-out stunt doubles who say they were solicited by Mr. Blake to double as hit men; accounts of space aliens, experiments with crack-smoking monkeys and salacious details of a love child.

WTF? No, there's more:

Mr. Schwartzbach reminded jurors that the stuntmen were unreliable. Mr. McLarty said in court that he was a longtime cocaine abuser. He had a mental breakdown, believed that the police were tunneling under his house and thought he was being monitored from outer space.

Earlier in the trial, a professor from the University of California, Los Angeles, testified as an expert witness about the psychotropic effects of cocaine. He said that he had smoked crack cocaine himself and sat in a cage with monkeys to teach them how to smoke cocaine as well.

Monkeys, stuntmen, tunneling space-alien cops. Crack-smoking monkeys are the worst, though. This little bastard sounded like he was all coked up; an exerpt from Bake Town, CA Mean Monkeys in the Closet:

As I was swinging my boney legs beneath the bench, feeling the warm tightness of my skin in the sun, and enjoying the first bites of the tasty burger - I was startled by a frightening sight. A Spider Monkey came flying (Wizard of Oz style) over the fence and leaped onto the table RIGHT IN FRONT ME. Baring his tiny, sharp teeth, he began screeching and clawing his boney little fingers at me. Let us all pause for a moment to take in how COMPLETELY terrifying and OUT OF THE NORM this experience would be FOR ANYONE - let alone for a little girl living in small town Bakersfield.

FUCKING MONKEYS! But goddamnit, they WONT STOP! They check you out before they rip you off.

Jeff Harmon knows a thing or two about monkeys -- he's had extensive experience with monkeys in the quasi-wild of urban India -- and I doubt that he's going to let some coked up rhesus monkey steal his shit.