Game of Thrones Season Seven Stupidity™

I can fly Mach 2. I got this.

Photo: Samuel Zeller

Who needs a TARDIS when you can just ignore time and space?

So, after an engaging discussion with a GoT fan, I find that I had tucked some seriously deranged Season Seven Stupidity™ in not easily accessible regions of my memory, namely the whole Gendry runs back to Eastwatch and sends a raven to Daenerys so she can come save us and lo and behold, Daenerys to the rescue. WT serious F?

Gendry — The 6 Million Gold Dragon Man

So, realizing they're in deep doo doo, Jon decides to send Gendry to Eastwatch. So, Gendry is going to run on some kind of autopilot across terrain the Qhorin Halfhand describes as full of crevasses and otherwise really damn dangerous. But this kid from Fleabottom is just going to book it, avoiding dangerous beasts, getting lost, or falling to his death. And how long is it going to take for him to run back? As I recall, the wall was nowhere in sight. If the wall is 700 feet tall and "the world" is the same diameter as Earth (just a guess, I admit), then they'd have to be 32 miles away or more. But whatever.

Supersonic Ravens

OK. So he makes it back to Eastwatch and they get a raven off to Daenerys. Now, distances aren't often discussed in GoT, but the trip from Dragonstone to King's Landing by Stannis Baratheon for the Battle of Blackwater Bay didn't seem all that far, since they were just going to hop off the ships and attack King's Landing. I don't think you would do that after a long and arduous journey. So it's reasonable to thing Dragonstone is not all that far from King's Landing in some relative sense. But, we know that Winterfell is a thousand miles and more from King's Landing, and the Wall is an arduous journey North from Winterfell. Just how fast do these do these ravens fly? And for how long? Every appearance of the show was "same day turn around," so we're talking really fast mega-endurance ravens that might be equipped with non-afterburner supersonic cruise. But that's just getting the message to Daenerys.

Fire, Ice, Oxygen, Screw That!

OK. Given that Gendry ran to Eastwatch by the Sea without getting eaten by a bear or falling into a crevasse in something like if Usain Bolt could run at top speed over ice for and hour and a half straight and launches a supersonic raven flies to Dragonstone with a piece of paper tied to its leg that doesn't get ripped off with all of the ravens feathers as it streaks through the sky at 1100 feet per second and more, Daenerys still has to get back with her dragons to rescue Jon and crew. So, not only are the ravens supersonic, so are Daenerys's dragons. Moreover, Daenerys can ride on their back and not get her hair tangled or need oxygen or anything like that as they streak through the stratosphere.

Night King as Air Defense System

As zany as all that sounds, it just turns out that the Night King bought an S-400 Dragon Air Defense Spear from Vladimir "Pooty-Poot" Putin and shot Viserion down with a skillful throw that covered a couple of miles or more. Look, it's totally fine for the Night King to have a magic spear. It's totally fine for the Night King to have a good arm. But the whole, reveal where he hucks a magic Dragon slaying high-explosive armor-piercing missile with his arm a couple of miles and more and knocks a rampaging supersonic dragon out of the air, well, the episode begins to take on the air of OMG we really need to wrap this season up an we have no idea to get from here to where we need to be in another season worth of episodes. We need a really great Lady Olenna eye roll for this nonsense.

Star Trek had its space hippies, and I found I could get over them. GoT will have issues. If I could get past Season One Sansa, I can get over Atomic Ninja Missile Flinging Supersonic Dragon Assassinating Then Reanimating Night King. I will get over Tormund magically surviving the collapse of the wall at Eastwatch. What's the alternative? But I wish they'd knock off the unforced errors.