03 April 2019

Two (Three (More)) Things Game of Thrones Bungled

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unsplash-logoPhoto: Susanne Karl

Game of Thrones is a great show — great characters, complex and compelling plot, rich and detailed costumes and sets in dazzling scenery, and dragons done right. But! (What was that thing Ned Stark used to say?) But, they threw into a couple of unforced errors which I will review here.

The "Death" of Syrio Forel

When the Lannisters started rounding up or killing all the Starks in King's Landing, Arya was training with Syrio Forel, First Sword of Braavos and Master of the Water Dance, who says "not today" to the God of Death. Meryn Trant shows up with four or five Lannister men, who promptly get knocked out by Syrio with his wooden sword. Meryn Trant, disgusted by the Lannister performance, moves in and after trading a few swings, cuts Syrio's sword in half. Syrio tells Arya to flee. He's staying because "The First Sword of Braavos does not run." Cut to fleeing Arya and you hear some screaming in the background, presumably Syrio's death cries.

"What's wrong with that?" you ask.

"Every damn thing!" I answer.

Syrio Forel is the First Sword of Braavos. Meryn Trant is a trumped up bum. The Hound dismissed Trant thus: "Any boy whore with a sword could beat three Meryn Trants." Bronn to Trant's face: "And you're a grub in fancy armor who's better at beating little girls than fighting men." You watch Syrio Forel mow down four or five armored men in seconds with a wooden sword, and you're supposed to believe the First Sword of Braavos loses to that grub Meryn Trant broken sword or no?

There are theories that Syrio Forel actually beat Meryn Trant, but Trant didn't confess out of shame in the defeat. You never hear him boast of his victory or tell the fate of Syrio, so I suppose that might feed into that line. Alternatively, it's been suggested that Syrio is really Jaqen H'ghar, which might have been cool. But a late reveal of either of these two scenarios would beg for yet-another-rant about unforced errors in Game of Thrones. No, we just have to be cranked and shaking our damn heads. Dadgumit.

Jaime Charges Daenerys next to Drogon

After the most amazing battle maybe ever in the history of shows, Jaime Lannister has the "cunning plan" to charge Daenerys while she's pulling the Scorpion bolt out of her fire breathing dragon Drogon. Well, maybe, that would be OK in some other story line. But it wasn't. It happened in the story line we got, which followed with a WTF-fest.

Bronn to the Rescue!

I love Bronn. He's one of my favorite characters, maybe only behind Arya and the Hound. Hell, he may be ahead of the Hound. He's up there. But there is no way in seven holy hells that Bronn is going to fricking charge Drogon and risk dragon fire after seeing the better part of the Lannister army burned to a crisp. OK, but say he has some secret loyalty that would cause him to risk dragon fire for Jaime (where he wouldn't fight the Mountain for Tyrion), what was the plan after knocking Jaime out of the way. Drogon has plenty more where that came from, and he can walk over and bite you, too. OR, did Bronn actually know in advance, that unlike most other lakes where the bottom slopes away from the shore that in this lake it's really fricking deep right up to the shore and it was his plan to knock Jaime into the water and avoid the dragon that way?

Really?

Walk/Swim across the Lake in Armor

OK. So Bronn knocks Jaime into the deep part of the lake that runs right up to Daenerys was tending to Drogon. Now what? Screw that! Let's just have them walking out of the lake a half mile or so from where they got in. It's hard to swim in clothes with shoes on. It can't be done in armor. So, did they hoof it along the bottom? If they could actually hold their breaths for three minutes while running at 10 miles an hour underwater in armor, that would "work", I guess. Or maybe Bronn just happened to bring a couple of Braavosi underwater rebreathers along with him, just in case. Maybe Westerosi can breathe water. Aquaman can, maybe they're like him? I mean seriously, WTF?

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